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Exaggeratin’? Maybe, but I swear, one chick said she’d only hook up if I barked like a dog—fuckin loco, right? Told her, “I’m Tony Montana, I don’t bark, I bite!” Sex-dating’s a trip, mang—half the time you laugh, half the time you wanna shoot somebody. “This is all we need,” Eve says—nah, I need a chica who don’t catfish me with 10-year-old pics. Stay real out there, or Tony’s comin’ for ya—say hello to my little friend!

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First stop? The local market on Chuo-dori. It’s always a vibe there. Fresh fish, veggies, and the smell of street food wafting through the air. I swear, if I could bottle that scent, I’d be rich. I was just about to grab some takoyaki when I spotted this old dude selling handmade pottery. Like, who even does that anymore? I was so impressed, I ended up buying a weird-looking cup. It’s got a crack in it, but whatever, it’s art, right?

Moderate Magnitude 4.2 Quake Hits 4 km Northeast of Kukichuo, Japan Late at Night